Tuesday, November 10, 2009

My son Josh

Dear Family,
I don't know how many of you read the blog but I thought it would be a better way to let you all know about Josh. First of all many of you know the struggle that Josh has had for the past 4 years. Unfortunately he has made some choices that have created sickness instead of health for him when he was faced with some really hard things. When Dallas left him I think you all know that he chose to turn to drugs to deal with his heartbreak and had a serious breakdown and ended up in the hospital for 30 days. He was then court committed to Wasatch Mental Health to help him with his recovery. Josh never could get the hang of being honest with dealing with his pain. He always chose to escape into drugs and alcohol. He has been in Jail more times that I can count on my 2 hands. He ended up having all of his charges moved to Mental Health court a year and a half ago. He has not been totally drug or alcohol free for about 4 years. The last time he ended up in Jail his now wife Renata Mizuni came to tell me she was pregnant with his child. At the time Josh denied that the baby was his. He denied it up until Kylan was born and there was no doubt that he was his son. I think Josh knows that he is a terrible father but he chooses to run to drugs so that he doesn't have to face the fears that he has. He did marry Renata and claim Kylan as his own. For a while he really seemed to be doing better. That is what we all thought. He was getting more and more abusive to Renata and doing more and more drugs. Yesterday November 9th Josh showed up at our house very suicidal, violent and paranoid. We were not home at the time. He called me and was completely out of his mind and was destroying our house. Mike was closer to home than I was so he got there first. Josh not only tried to kill himself but also his dad. We called the police and Crisis. They came and "pink slipped" him (involuntary commitment) into the hospital. He is there now and hopefully will be for 30 days. He was 2 weeks from getting out of Mental Health court. It is a good thing that this happened now because he will hopefully get the treatment that he needs. Just pray that he will choose to take the opportunity to try to salvage some of the good things in his life. I wanted to let you all know because last time I had a $500.00 phone bill. There really isn't anything anyone can do but pray for him. This might be his last chance. So PLEASE Pray...

We are all doing pretty well. The kids were not here at the time and so they didn't have to deal with this yet again. Mike has taken it pretty hard and he has a few cuts and bruises from holding Josh down until the Police got there but he is okay just a little angry and broken hearted. I am continuing to work the system to try to find some way of reaching him. I want you all to know that Kylan is okay. Renata is not so well but maybe this is a good wake-up call for her to get her life in order. My kids are a little tired and numb from hearing and talking about Josh. He consumes so much time and energy in our home. So if we are a little weary of this it's just because we know that there is no instant fix and that this is going to take a really long time.

Life moves on and so must we. Josh will have to figure this out. We love him but he is on his own. I think that it is best for all of us. If you haven't read the book the "Soloist" (the movie is not as good, too Disney) read it and you will have a little understanding of what it is like to live with someone with a mental Illness. We miss the Josh that we all used to know but that Josh is gone and this new one is unpredictable and unsafe. We are learning to live with the fact that we may only see brief glimpses of the old version of our son and brother. I hope that in time we can learn to love and accept this new Josh.

I will keep you updated on the blog. I would really appreciate it if when you call you could ask about Brooke, who is only 4 months away from being a full fledged hairstylist and she is fantastic especially with color. Katie who is learning to become a strong independent young woman and having the time of her life her Senior year of high school and Alec who is the joy and light of our home.

I am so grateful for my family and I feel so blessed that you all love and care about me so much. I hope that this will put your minds at ease knowing that all that can be done is being done and that we are going to be okay.

I love you all!
Love,
Karen

2 comments:

Katie said...

I admire your strength. You are handling this trial with such grace and dignity. We love you all and are proud to be counted as part of your life. Please let Brooke, Katie, and Alec know how much we love them and enjoy being a part of their lives. I think (hope) they know how much they mean to us. Hang in there, stay strong, and please let us know what we can do to help.

Grandpa and Grandma Higbee said...

We love you and your family veery much. Josh is in our prayers constantly as are Brooke, Katie and Alec. It is so good to live so clese to you and to be able to spend time with your family. Thank you for dinner and all the good things you and your family do for us.